Thursday 17 March 2011
Tuesday 15 March 2011
Disorder's Life #15 - Psychologist at 2nd Decluttering
WOW! Today's 2 hrs decluttering session was a whole lot different from the first one of 2 weeks ago. first of I was taken aback to see that the psychologist (he had left a message which I hadn't got until after), who I haven't seen in the longest of times had turned up at my front door, just before the declutterers arrived. But, him being here really helped move things in the right direction. After the break of trust last time round I had felt fearful to let the declutterers back in.
I was dreading today & had determined that this time I was putting my foot down, that I was going to insist on organising only, & not just let them barge in & bin everything in sight. But amazingly & thankfully I didn't need to. This time round I didn't feel pushed to the side lines while my home was taken over stripped bare. I was instead properly consulted & considered in the decision making of everything that was to be thrown out, discussion was made as to where things should go & suggestions made without pressure. I was even able to leave for later things I wasn't sure about for now, I can not tell you what a relief it all was.
The psychologist approach seemed to help hold back the ravaging approaches of the declutterers, who I could tell just wanted to get on & go full steam ahead with things. Instead with the aid of the psychologist, the way the declutterers worked this time round helped make things easier & take some of the burden off by actually organising, moving things to there appropriate places for me, as appose to binning it all in the rubbish like last time.
To my surprise also the psychologist actually offered some practical help too, by doing such things as holding open bin bags, carrying one end of a large box of items, holding a door open & also a dust pan while I swept. It really was an amazing experience today compared to last time.
The whole mood was of a much more positive, jollier tone & there was alot of praising. Which at first just felt false & patronising, but later moved on to be rather reassuring, encouraging & enjoyable. I felt like the trust was now in some way back to being restored.
The psychologist stopped every so often to ask me to rate from 1 - 10 how I was feeling & to stand back & take a look at the progress, how well I was doing. Then I was asked to put into words there what I had actually down. Which today was work in the kitchen: clear the space on the floor next to the sink, clear the space on the floor next to the cupboards, removed a large box of items from in front of the door way, put dirty clothes in the laundry basket, put dirty cutlery & crockery in the sink, swept up spilled bags of clean cat litter & recycled recyclable rubbish. Much more stuff too but can't recall it all right now.
Last time 2 weeks ago, after the first session of decluttering with just the guys from the decluttering charity, I was feeling very upset, unmotivated to continue & even slightly rebellious, in the sense that I wanted to actually mop up the surfaces cleared away but because of how it was done I just felt like I was gonna deliberately just leave it as was, & also that I didn't care what they think because of how I felt I was treated with utter disregard by them. But today I feeling much more positive & encouraged, like I do want to continue the work after they've left this time round, like it is worth while. I'm also feeling less emotional pain & anxiety when I think about organising things.
I was dreading today & had determined that this time I was putting my foot down, that I was going to insist on organising only, & not just let them barge in & bin everything in sight. But amazingly & thankfully I didn't need to. This time round I didn't feel pushed to the side lines while my home was taken over stripped bare. I was instead properly consulted & considered in the decision making of everything that was to be thrown out, discussion was made as to where things should go & suggestions made without pressure. I was even able to leave for later things I wasn't sure about for now, I can not tell you what a relief it all was.
The psychologist approach seemed to help hold back the ravaging approaches of the declutterers, who I could tell just wanted to get on & go full steam ahead with things. Instead with the aid of the psychologist, the way the declutterers worked this time round helped make things easier & take some of the burden off by actually organising, moving things to there appropriate places for me, as appose to binning it all in the rubbish like last time.
To my surprise also the psychologist actually offered some practical help too, by doing such things as holding open bin bags, carrying one end of a large box of items, holding a door open & also a dust pan while I swept. It really was an amazing experience today compared to last time.
The whole mood was of a much more positive, jollier tone & there was alot of praising. Which at first just felt false & patronising, but later moved on to be rather reassuring, encouraging & enjoyable. I felt like the trust was now in some way back to being restored.
The psychologist stopped every so often to ask me to rate from 1 - 10 how I was feeling & to stand back & take a look at the progress, how well I was doing. Then I was asked to put into words there what I had actually down. Which today was work in the kitchen: clear the space on the floor next to the sink, clear the space on the floor next to the cupboards, removed a large box of items from in front of the door way, put dirty clothes in the laundry basket, put dirty cutlery & crockery in the sink, swept up spilled bags of clean cat litter & recycled recyclable rubbish. Much more stuff too but can't recall it all right now.
Last time 2 weeks ago, after the first session of decluttering with just the guys from the decluttering charity, I was feeling very upset, unmotivated to continue & even slightly rebellious, in the sense that I wanted to actually mop up the surfaces cleared away but because of how it was done I just felt like I was gonna deliberately just leave it as was, & also that I didn't care what they think because of how I felt I was treated with utter disregard by them. But today I feeling much more positive & encouraged, like I do want to continue the work after they've left this time round, like it is worth while. I'm also feeling less emotional pain & anxiety when I think about organising things.
Monday 14 March 2011
Disorder's Life #14 - Not too optimistic today
I'm feeling like there's no hope for me today. I just feel kinda empty, like there's this hole in my heart that nothing can fill or fix. I think it's probably because of everything I've been through over the years. Some people cut themselves when they're in this kind of pain, drink alcohol, do drugs. Me! I'm a binge eater. Well.. a hoarder & a binge eater. Maybe not dealing with my things, my home, is my way of dealing with life.
I've been trying to think of things to help me deal with clearing & cleaning this squalid mess I call home. I wanted move this certain box that's been in the way of my path to the kitchen but when I started I couldn't. So I thought today that if I reward myself, maybe that'll make me more able to do these things. Because I'd know there was something worthwhile at the end of it. Usually when I tidy something I don't feel anything much, expect worry about it returning to the way it was before ( & the thoughts of that means I can never touch it again or it will ruin all my hard work), & feelings of what's the point of tidying it then.
I will see though if rewarding myself will help me think differently about dealing with, tidying & clearing all the mess. I thought I could either treat myself to seeing a film/movie at the cinema, going to my favourite restaurant, buy my favourite hot chocolate powder (from Costa or Starbucks, Mmmm!), buy a new magazine, buy new clothes or shoes, go hair dressers, get my nails done, get my eyebrows threaded, get a make-up make over, get a massage, buy myself some jewellery, rings etc, go to the beach. Because at the end of the day it really is a case of how I think about all this mess, & I probably lack the same driving forces in my mind that others who don't let their place get into this kind of state do have. I need something to make me feel it's not painful & is worth doing.
I wonder if praising myself would help?? Or positive affirmations. I was reading about the Law of Attraction (or "the Secret"). Seems like something I'd like to try & put into practice. Also would like to try hypnotism too.
I've been trying to think of things to help me deal with clearing & cleaning this squalid mess I call home. I wanted move this certain box that's been in the way of my path to the kitchen but when I started I couldn't. So I thought today that if I reward myself, maybe that'll make me more able to do these things. Because I'd know there was something worthwhile at the end of it. Usually when I tidy something I don't feel anything much, expect worry about it returning to the way it was before ( & the thoughts of that means I can never touch it again or it will ruin all my hard work), & feelings of what's the point of tidying it then.
I will see though if rewarding myself will help me think differently about dealing with, tidying & clearing all the mess. I thought I could either treat myself to seeing a film/movie at the cinema, going to my favourite restaurant, buy my favourite hot chocolate powder (from Costa or Starbucks, Mmmm!), buy a new magazine, buy new clothes or shoes, go hair dressers, get my nails done, get my eyebrows threaded, get a make-up make over, get a massage, buy myself some jewellery, rings etc, go to the beach. Because at the end of the day it really is a case of how I think about all this mess, & I probably lack the same driving forces in my mind that others who don't let their place get into this kind of state do have. I need something to make me feel it's not painful & is worth doing.
I wonder if praising myself would help?? Or positive affirmations. I was reading about the Law of Attraction (or "the Secret"). Seems like something I'd like to try & put into practice. Also would like to try hypnotism too.
Sunday 13 March 2011
Disorder's Life #13
Travellling back home on the bus after spending the weekend at my father's home. Just drop my eldest off at the train station & now it's back to my home for me. Going home is stressfull for me right now because of the pressure I'm under to sort out my home. I rather just disapair for a bit just to escape my worries & troubles.
What I want to do is get a good nights sleep tonight & spend all day tomorrow cleaning up at least the whole of one room. This doesn't usually work out the way I want though so we'll see waht happens?
What I want to do is get a good nights sleep tonight & spend all day tomorrow cleaning up at least the whole of one room. This doesn't usually work out the way I want though so we'll see waht happens?
Friday 11 March 2011
Disorder's Life #12 - Weekend & worries.
Going to my father's for the weekend, which is the usual routine. As it's where I see my children, seeing as they can't come back to my home until it's in an acceptable state.
I'm starting to thinking I've been living under the delusion that I'm perfectly able to clear this place in the manner I wish on my own. But I have to accept that if it was really that simple for me I wouldn't have been stuck in this mess day after day worrying about how I'm going to dig my way out.
I'm totally dreading the declutterers from the charity coming on Tuesday. I just don't know if I can trust them now. I'm now expecting them to destroy & bin more of my things. And as last time I'm probably gonna stand there with weak & feeble attempts to reason with them about the approach they're using.
I'm starting to thinking I've been living under the delusion that I'm perfectly able to clear this place in the manner I wish on my own. But I have to accept that if it was really that simple for me I wouldn't have been stuck in this mess day after day worrying about how I'm going to dig my way out.
I'm totally dreading the declutterers from the charity coming on Tuesday. I just don't know if I can trust them now. I'm now expecting them to destroy & bin more of my things. And as last time I'm probably gonna stand there with weak & feeble attempts to reason with them about the approach they're using.
Wednesday 9 March 2011
Disorder's Life #11 - Frozen in my tracks
I noticed as I stared at a pile of clutter today thinking how am I gonna deal with this, that I actually need someone with me to talk me through where to put things. My brain just goes kinda fuzzy & overwhelmed with trying to make the simplest decisions about where things should go. Eg; I was looking at a camera today piled on top of a heap of clothes & letters etc. I was just staring at it thinking where should I put the camera, & even now still I don't know. I have a feeling of failure if I put it in the "wrong" place but can't think what is the right place?? in these situation I will usually just put it in a box or bag & leave it at one side for dealing with later. But that's no real plan either, for now I have piles of boxes & bags full of stuff that I couldn't decide where they should go. Things are piled up on my tables, sofa's & chairs for that same reason. All put aside for later because I couldn't make a decision there & then.
I need someone to organise or help me organise my home so that I have a sense where everything should go. To create order without throwing everything away.
Edit: Just watched a film called The Way Back. Not only did the title of the movie really speak to me, but the whole movie itself felt really inspiring & motivating too. The courage & resilients of the human spirit to make it back, through everything they went through, the hardships & the sufferings. They kept going. Just made me think if they came do that (& you know there are real people like that out there) then one way or another so can I. I CAN keep going, no matter how hard it feels/is, until this place is sorted out. Lets hope this feeling last! lol.
I need someone to organise or help me organise my home so that I have a sense where everything should go. To create order without throwing everything away.
Edit: Just watched a film called The Way Back. Not only did the title of the movie really speak to me, but the whole movie itself felt really inspiring & motivating too. The courage & resilients of the human spirit to make it back, through everything they went through, the hardships & the sufferings. They kept going. Just made me think if they came do that (& you know there are real people like that out there) then one way or another so can I. I CAN keep going, no matter how hard it feels/is, until this place is sorted out. Lets hope this feeling last! lol.
Tuesday 8 March 2011
Disorder's Life #11 - Housing Came.
The people from housing just came & left, they came about the flooding that happened last year. There were 3 of them, the housing officer, housing support worker & housing surveyor. The housing officer I've only met twice now & have never had any real dealings with him except to hear 2nd hand (from a organisation called Thames Reach) that he's the one pushing for my eviction, which is probably why he started taking pictures of my garden, for evidence! The support worker is ok, pretty good I guess, but the surveyor!!!
The fucking surveyor starts taking fucking pictures of everything every time that blood (Bleeeeep!) comes into my home. As someone who is extremely embarrassed about the state of my home you can just imagine how distressing this is, I'm left feeling so ashamed. And on top of that I'm being told by him that I'm going to be billed for the repairs he wants to do to my home. I CAN'T bloody afford it!!
When he first came & wanted to take pictures I asked him not to. He seemed fine about it (& what I thought) left. Then without any warning he came back with POLICE!!! I was feeling like WTF!! To this day I don't know why he did such a thing. If he even talked to me first about it, explained why he wanted to take photo's it would of made more sense. But to act like everything was ok, leave & then come back half an hour later with police! I was left gobbed smacked at this behaviour. Seeing police at my door I thought I was gonna be arrested for God knows what. Now when he turns up he doesn't even bother to ask or mention what he's upto, he just skulks off & starts snapping away on his camera. So considering his past & present behaviour, every time I see him I'm none too pleased.
Next week the charity that so called declutters & organises homes are coming back. I don't want them to, after their approach with me I no longer trust them. & I'm expecting them to again bin everything over, organising it. I don't want my property cleared out, I want it first & foremost, organised!
The fucking surveyor starts taking fucking pictures of everything every time that blood (Bleeeeep!) comes into my home. As someone who is extremely embarrassed about the state of my home you can just imagine how distressing this is, I'm left feeling so ashamed. And on top of that I'm being told by him that I'm going to be billed for the repairs he wants to do to my home. I CAN'T bloody afford it!!
When he first came & wanted to take pictures I asked him not to. He seemed fine about it (& what I thought) left. Then without any warning he came back with POLICE!!! I was feeling like WTF!! To this day I don't know why he did such a thing. If he even talked to me first about it, explained why he wanted to take photo's it would of made more sense. But to act like everything was ok, leave & then come back half an hour later with police! I was left gobbed smacked at this behaviour. Seeing police at my door I thought I was gonna be arrested for God knows what. Now when he turns up he doesn't even bother to ask or mention what he's upto, he just skulks off & starts snapping away on his camera. So considering his past & present behaviour, every time I see him I'm none too pleased.
Next week the charity that so called declutters & organises homes are coming back. I don't want them to, after their approach with me I no longer trust them. & I'm expecting them to again bin everything over, organising it. I don't want my property cleared out, I want it first & foremost, organised!
Sunday 6 March 2011
Disorder's Life #10 - Weekend with my children
Back home from spending the weekend at my father's with my children. Every weekend I go there to see my children. Neither I nor they live there, but they do not live with me either because of the state of my home. So my father's home is where I see them. Sometimes for the weekend or sometimes for longer, such as some of their school holidays.
It was last week that I spent 8 days at my father's home with my children because they were on half term holiday. It's not easy for me to talk about the situation I'm in with my children, it involves legal stuff & is very painful. I may feel more able to go more into everything that's happening in regards to my children at a later date. Like I've said already though, compulsive hoarding has ruined my life.
Being back doesn't bring any peace, it increases my anxiety infact, because of all the pressure I'm currently under to get my home sorted out. Pressure from housing, pressure from social services, pressure from working with the decluttering charity, who I feel are not using the right approach with me.
It was last week that I spent 8 days at my father's home with my children because they were on half term holiday. It's not easy for me to talk about the situation I'm in with my children, it involves legal stuff & is very painful. I may feel more able to go more into everything that's happening in regards to my children at a later date. Like I've said already though, compulsive hoarding has ruined my life.
Being back doesn't bring any peace, it increases my anxiety infact, because of all the pressure I'm currently under to get my home sorted out. Pressure from housing, pressure from social services, pressure from working with the decluttering charity, who I feel are not using the right approach with me.
Thursday 3 March 2011
Disorder's Life #9 - Reavaluating the charity's approach
After having some time to get over the experience of this Tuesday I've come to the conclusion that there has most probably been a miscommunication between the declutterers & myself. I sure they didn't mean to be what I perceived as insensitive etc or cause me the distress that then followed. They are a small organisation (charity) & only have 6 month experience in this (hoarding) area.
It probably would of been much better if the kind of approach that was used by the psychologist (some time ago) was used here in this situation. Unfortunately they (psychologist) offered advice & cognitive behavioural therapy but no actual practical, physical help. Even when they did the home visits it was a case of standing over me & guiding me with such questions as what to do with this & where to put that, but with NO actual practical hands on help. While the charity I'm now working with seems to work the over way round.
What was most disheartening was being forced to throw away things, actually not even forced, as much of it was being done without my knowledge or consent. I made the mistake of thinking that as had happened with the home visits from the psychologist, that I would be asked what I wanted to do with different things & that I wouldn't be forced to throw away anything until I was ready to. That it would go to one side to be dealt with later. I thought I would have the peace of mind in knowing that nothing would leave my house without my knowledge.
Anyway, blah blah blah I'm rambling, so I will leave it there for now.
It probably would of been much better if the kind of approach that was used by the psychologist (some time ago) was used here in this situation. Unfortunately they (psychologist) offered advice & cognitive behavioural therapy but no actual practical, physical help. Even when they did the home visits it was a case of standing over me & guiding me with such questions as what to do with this & where to put that, but with NO actual practical hands on help. While the charity I'm now working with seems to work the over way round.
What was most disheartening was being forced to throw away things, actually not even forced, as much of it was being done without my knowledge or consent. I made the mistake of thinking that as had happened with the home visits from the psychologist, that I would be asked what I wanted to do with different things & that I wouldn't be forced to throw away anything until I was ready to. That it would go to one side to be dealt with later. I thought I would have the peace of mind in knowing that nothing would leave my house without my knowledge.
Anyway, blah blah blah I'm rambling, so I will leave it there for now.
Wednesday 2 March 2011
Disorder's Life #8 - Still traumatised
I am still feeling traumatised by yesterday's events. It feels like there was a violation of my rights, in my own home. It feel like they that were meant to help me & listen to my wishes & concerns had their own agenda. To clear clear clear!
Like I said, if I wanted my home stripped bare I could of easily done that myself, but I didn't, I wanted help, cleaning, organising & sorting through things & I don't feel like I got that yesterday. It makes me think that maybe I should let it go to eviction! Can you believe that! I was so traumatised yesterday that I'm left thinking maybe let it go down the road of eviction, becuase at least then the whole court process would buy me some time to get the place sorted out on my OWN!
Whether I'd of been able to is another story, but I swear if I ever get out of this mess I'm in & am able to help other hoarders, I'm going to listen to them, what they really want & not what others want for them. People like me are not stupid, we can see our homes are in a mess, if we couldn't we would be inviting people round & not keeping it hidden. Many hoarders are perfectionist for goodness sakes, we want our homes to be in it's rightful order. Achieving that is what gets many like myself stuck.
Like I said, if I wanted my home stripped bare I could of easily done that myself, but I didn't, I wanted help, cleaning, organising & sorting through things & I don't feel like I got that yesterday. It makes me think that maybe I should let it go to eviction! Can you believe that! I was so traumatised yesterday that I'm left thinking maybe let it go down the road of eviction, becuase at least then the whole court process would buy me some time to get the place sorted out on my OWN!
Whether I'd of been able to is another story, but I swear if I ever get out of this mess I'm in & am able to help other hoarders, I'm going to listen to them, what they really want & not what others want for them. People like me are not stupid, we can see our homes are in a mess, if we couldn't we would be inviting people round & not keeping it hidden. Many hoarders are perfectionist for goodness sakes, we want our homes to be in it's rightful order. Achieving that is what gets many like myself stuck.
Tuesday 1 March 2011
Disorder's Life #7 - I think I just got BLITZ CLEANED!!!!
Oh My God! The decluttering!! it was awful, so very awful. It was 2 hours of TORTURE! It felt like AND amounted to what I always feared a BLITZ CLEAN would be like, which was the very reason I chose to go with this charity over a blitz clean in the first place. I've seem a blitz clean being carried out before, they liturally strip your home bare! & these guys did a pretty good job of that too!
And as I feared, they DIDN'T know what was rubbish & what was not. Not only was my front door left WIDE open for all and sundry to see my shame, but one of the declutterers actually decided to put on their protective overalls just OUTSIDE my front door too.
All the things I stored on the stairs for safe keeping, until I could sort through them were just thrown away!! Love letters from my past was discarded as useless bits of paper, paperwork from college days, my childhood things, sentimental things of my children's were all just dumped into a rubbish bin bag. Other things were emptied out of their boxes that kept them safe & clean and the boxes thrown away.
Oh God! it was so awful I can't explain. If I didn't have this to turn to, to get it all off my chest I don't know what I would be doing right now. Huddled up in a corner crying my eyes out no doubt. I was holding back the tears & praying that they would just leave.
I was kinda optimistic about the charity coming today. I thought I would have more say & control over my things. I thought they would sit with me & go through things that I wanted to keep & those that I wanted to get rid of. But it wasn't like that at all. They decided what was to stay & go, & pretty much chucked everything in sight, especially the 2nd declutterer who was very trigger happy (wrong expression I'm sure) with anything that crossed her path & indiscriminately binned most everything there was.
Occasionally something was deemed not complete rubbish & I was then handed the odd box or bag to sort through. In the end I couldn't watch anymore & stayed down stairs most of the time, so God know's what I've actually lost??? Decluttering a hoarders house shouldn't be about grabbing everything in sight & binning it!! If that's what I wanted I could of achieved the same results in 2 hours myself.
I don't want them to come back, but I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm so stuck in this impossible situation, where I'm doomed if I do & doomed if I don't. It really wasn't the kind of help I was expecting & it's not the kind of help I wanted. Yet I have to accept it because so much relies on it. My children coming back to me, & avoiding threats of possible eviction. I should be greatful that someone is giving actual practical help but the wound inflicted from what felt like more or less blatant disregard today is still all too fresh.
If I was rich (*"Yubby dibby dibby diibby dibby dibby dibby dum!"*) I'd hire a team of cleaners & set out the criteria that they should stick to & if they didn't they'd be out! But I'm not rich, nor (after making several attempts to explain why the things on the stairs was there & why they weren't rubbish & as such should not be chucked) do I feel in a position to achieve such results. I was pretty much reminded that the place "has" to be cleared & to be strong etc etc.
I think when people see things covered in dirt & grime they automatically think rubbish, bin it. While I on the other hand know for a fact that a bit of soap & water can do wonders. There's also the misconception that if you have a whole load of things piling up that not only must that means it's rubbish but also that there's no room for it & thus is it too has to be binned. While i know alot of thing things thrown out of my place today did have a place (in the kitchen, bathroom, whatever) & I would of much rather been given the option to place them there rather.
I think I lost 85% - 90% of my things stored on the stairs. Like I said some bags & boxes were handed to me, but not nearly enough. & the whole goal seemed to be clear the space rather than what I was expecting of sort & organise the things. Again I cannot stress how awful it was for me.
I hope tomorrow (or even in a few more hours) I will be feeling better & less upset about everything that happened today. Now I'm off to eat some chocolate as I need something to make me feel better. Yes! I comfort eat & am thus over weight.
And as I feared, they DIDN'T know what was rubbish & what was not. Not only was my front door left WIDE open for all and sundry to see my shame, but one of the declutterers actually decided to put on their protective overalls just OUTSIDE my front door too.
All the things I stored on the stairs for safe keeping, until I could sort through them were just thrown away!! Love letters from my past was discarded as useless bits of paper, paperwork from college days, my childhood things, sentimental things of my children's were all just dumped into a rubbish bin bag. Other things were emptied out of their boxes that kept them safe & clean and the boxes thrown away.
Oh God! it was so awful I can't explain. If I didn't have this to turn to, to get it all off my chest I don't know what I would be doing right now. Huddled up in a corner crying my eyes out no doubt. I was holding back the tears & praying that they would just leave.
I was kinda optimistic about the charity coming today. I thought I would have more say & control over my things. I thought they would sit with me & go through things that I wanted to keep & those that I wanted to get rid of. But it wasn't like that at all. They decided what was to stay & go, & pretty much chucked everything in sight, especially the 2nd declutterer who was very trigger happy (wrong expression I'm sure) with anything that crossed her path & indiscriminately binned most everything there was.
Occasionally something was deemed not complete rubbish & I was then handed the odd box or bag to sort through. In the end I couldn't watch anymore & stayed down stairs most of the time, so God know's what I've actually lost??? Decluttering a hoarders house shouldn't be about grabbing everything in sight & binning it!! If that's what I wanted I could of achieved the same results in 2 hours myself.
I don't want them to come back, but I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm so stuck in this impossible situation, where I'm doomed if I do & doomed if I don't. It really wasn't the kind of help I was expecting & it's not the kind of help I wanted. Yet I have to accept it because so much relies on it. My children coming back to me, & avoiding threats of possible eviction. I should be greatful that someone is giving actual practical help but the wound inflicted from what felt like more or less blatant disregard today is still all too fresh.
If I was rich (*"Yubby dibby dibby diibby dibby dibby dibby dum!"*) I'd hire a team of cleaners & set out the criteria that they should stick to & if they didn't they'd be out! But I'm not rich, nor (after making several attempts to explain why the things on the stairs was there & why they weren't rubbish & as such should not be chucked) do I feel in a position to achieve such results. I was pretty much reminded that the place "has" to be cleared & to be strong etc etc.
I think when people see things covered in dirt & grime they automatically think rubbish, bin it. While I on the other hand know for a fact that a bit of soap & water can do wonders. There's also the misconception that if you have a whole load of things piling up that not only must that means it's rubbish but also that there's no room for it & thus is it too has to be binned. While i know alot of thing things thrown out of my place today did have a place (in the kitchen, bathroom, whatever) & I would of much rather been given the option to place them there rather.
I think I lost 85% - 90% of my things stored on the stairs. Like I said some bags & boxes were handed to me, but not nearly enough. & the whole goal seemed to be clear the space rather than what I was expecting of sort & organise the things. Again I cannot stress how awful it was for me.
I hope tomorrow (or even in a few more hours) I will be feeling better & less upset about everything that happened today. Now I'm off to eat some chocolate as I need something to make me feel better. Yes! I comfort eat & am thus over weight.
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