The charity came round today for the usual decluttering session. And after last weeks session I asked my psychologist to come too, so that there could be discussion about how to work in a manner that will achieve better results. I don't want to feel forced by them, or so afraid of them coming back into my home that instead of moving forward, all the hard work is unraveled & I end up going back to square one.
Was contacted via this blog & my Facebook page by a TV production company to take part in a documentary about hoarders. Not sure if it's something I want to publisized. Sure I write this blog & Youtubed (totally crappy video on my mobile/cell phone) my home, but these are all done anonymously, so I don't feel exposed. Now going on TV to air all my (literally) dirty laundry in public is a whole other matter.
Have been asked to speak at a Seminar about hoarding next Friday, it's feeling rather nerve wrecking now. I haven't even written a speech yet, made some bullet points to expand on but that's it.
Recently had to have an IQ test, it is related to the **** I'm having to go through over being a hoarder & my children. In that they're looking at me from all angles & trying to find a fault they can use against me before making a final decision. Anyway, the test I took was WAIS III. But before I talk about that, to show things in a clearer perspective, I should mention that when I was young, in my early teen (between 12-13) I was pretty much illiterate. I was then given a Stanford Binet test & all I can remember about that was having to make boxes/bricks into pictures on card, doing that very quickly & being told that I scored the level of a 16 year old! Then when I was in my early 20's I took a timed, supervised Mensa IQ (Cattell B) test & scored 139. Putting me in the 95th percentile & top 5% percent of the population.
Ok, so recently I was pretty much made to take an IQ test, I didn't want to take it because I could already feel a decline of my cognitive functioning. Which I personally blamed on possibly too much TV, using google instead of thinking & I suspect posible dyslexia? Considering how long it took me to learn to read as a child (though I was also neglected educationally by the teachers also, who just didn't bother with children like myself). Also my loss in ability is highly likely due to suffering from anxiety, depression & the hoarding. Because I felt my thinking become fuzzy/foggy when I was trying to recall/remember.
Something interesting I found out from my recent IQ test is that I scored high in Perceptual Organisation (90 something percentile), which is probably why I did so well on the Stanford Binet when I was a child. But that I scored low (though still within the normal average range) for Working Memory (I wonder if that's why I can never remember names?) & Processing Speed. This is probably related to why I've felt dumb all my life, my under achievements, poor academic performance & thus failures (also I have low self-efficacy). Again though I have to remind myself that I scored NORMAL for these areas. Losing my mother at a young age, coming from a deprived background, being I would say pretty much abandoned in so many ways & much more other things I sharn't go into here has probably resulted in a lack of motivation, confidence & high self-efficacy = poor performance.
So, I was looking up low working memory & Hoarding, as to me it seems that hoarding is very much related to low working memory & is in fact a way to compensate? I was looking at a website called Cogmed & feel it might actually offer an in part solution to compulsive hoarding behaviour by dealing with the deeper issues around working memory/cognitive functioning. Along with CBT I think the Cognitive Training or other mental exercises might help by/with dealing with the underlying issues around decision making?
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