Disorder's Life

Trying to get past the mental block that hinders me from clearing up the clutter & mess of my home. Every time I think about or even make a move to sort this place out a heaviness comes over me, pressing down on me like a big leaded blanket. It's crippling!

I over analyse things in attempt & a strive for perfection. What am I left with at the end of it? Anything but perfection, infact something worst than if I just went ahead with it and did! without thinking.

I've noticed that I need someone with me to clear this place up, when I do it on my own there is no feed back, so I don't feel any accomplishment, though I'm thinking if I reward myself with something i really want then that might give me the boost I need.

Worst still I've had people take one look at my efforts & ASSUME that NOTHING has been done. This leaves me feeling deflated, like well what was the point of all that hard work if no one can even tell.

The current situation (involving my family life & housing) I'm in I'm getting ALOT of misconceptions & assumption made about me, "they" are assuming that I don't want to change, that I don't want to make an effort to change, that I don't want to work with anyone to enable change. While in reality I always got so excited & felt a sense of relief when someone wanted to engage with finding help. But then they would inevitably ask "how can we help you?" WTF!

I would so like to work with experienced experts in this condition so I am not forced to try & think up my own  answers & cures to my problem.

I want someone to work WITH me, not over me (forcing, supervising, manipulating) or around me (so called Blitz clean). I want someone to help me achieve the goals I have in my mind, of a clean, ordered house. I want someone to listen to me, really listen, without jumping to conclusions & making assumptions.

I want to help other people like myself achieve the goals they had in mind that ended up making them have a hoarded house in the first place. People save things because they want to make use of it!