Yesterday my closes friend, the only friend who knows about the state of my house came round, I had asked them if they might be able to help me abit & they were kindly willing. I had many reasons for not asking them before now if they could help.
1. They have physical health problems for which are classed as disabled.
2. I never have visitors (as you can imagine hoarding is an intensely embarrassing & humiliation problem) & it was only over the last few months (after they spent months pestering me about it) I felt trusting enough to let them in my home. The first couple of times I led them (oh the shame of it!) eyes closed to a room I felt was not as bad as the rest of the house. They tolerated that request quite well but never lets me forget it, lol!
When they came & saw the full extent of my hoarding yesterday they were so good about it. I was hyper sensitive, watching their every reaction & feeling intensely embarrassed. But they seemed very understanding, empathetic & unjudgemental.
When we started the tidying I found myself having to stop many many times because I started to feel very anxious & overwhelmed, especially when I saw them touching things to throw away. We agreed that they would show me first before throwing something away but I was still on high alert anyway, watching their every move from my peripherals, & then I saw it! them try to make a few decisions of their own,for eg; they were about to throw away a sock! I know, it's just a sock, but it has a pair & once found & washed can continue it's purpose to be worn.
Anyway, when I just had to stop, they were abit pushy & didn't understand why we had to keep stopping & starting. But, they didn't really get fed up or at least they didn't show it lol, & in the end we decided that it was better if they just hold the bin bag while I put stuff into it. This small thing really really helped.
I lasted 2 hours because I had to stop for the day, they didn't think we had accomplished much & wanted to keep on going but I couldn't. I felt we did quite good considering the emotional/psychological state I'm thrown into with this.
Today I think I might be able to continue the work I started with my friend yesterday. I will at least try & see how I go. I'm thinking I will have/need about 4 bin bags: 1) Rubbish, 2) Clothes, 3) Letters, 4) Toys. I'm not making any firm decisions right now that yep I'm gonna just do it today, less the pressure I put myself under causes me to crash & burn.
The main thing I know is I can't push myself too much. My perfectionist personality causes me to over examine & analyse things alittle too much, until I'm at the point of not even being able to move for fear of making the wrong decision. I read somewhere there's some frontal lobe decision making mechanism playing up here in hoarders.
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