It's been a month now since my children have been officially and legally stolen from me through lies, corruption & deception.
When I go through stress, of the 3 fight, flight or freeze responses I'm a freezer. One of those people that stand there on a sinking ship or while a piano is falling on their heads.
This explains why I don't fight, become withdrawn and can't seem to de-clutter without help. I'm frozen when I'm met with a hoard of mess that I'm suppose to organise & I was frozen during the legal proceedings that stole my children away. The social worker & her team/department blatantly LIED! in court to achieve their agenda. & you'd think my barrister was in on it the little effort he made. Even now it's difficult to talk about.
I'm finding myself at first in denial, I couldn't believe this was really happening, that my children are gone. That I'll only be seeing them once a month if I'm lucky, for the rest of their childhood. Now I'm going through anger, I wake up seeving, unable to eat, boiling with anger at the lies I heard in court that were used to rob me of my children and the level of corruption and manipulation at play in this system.
And on top of that that lazy f**king cow that was suppose to help me de-clutter my home during the court case, but instead took FULL advantage of my rather vulnerable, timid and unassertive nature, by coming and literally sitting and talking for 75% of the time she should of been helping me. She knew my condition, she knew I needed help, she knew we had a deadline to make. I tried to talk to her many times and get her removed twice because I couldn't take her lazy ways. Even my teenage daughter tried talking to the lazy cow. I was able to get rid of her in the end but only because it was too late, the deadline had passed and my home wasn't fully de-cluttered, namely my bedroom.
So yes, I'm very angry, I'm fuming and I want to say fuck'em! fuck'em all to hell!!!
